Problems with the Church[goer]

I left the evening service early yesterday--fuming. I wasn't going to listen to another worship leader's exhortation to "lay everything aside and focus on God." (I've written before about why this bothers me so much. Also, the Bible does tell us what to do with our "cares"--and it has nothing to do with temporary denial.) I was done being pressured to mark my appreciation for God by the enthusiasm of my singing. However, soon after reaching home a new sense overtook my anger and indignation. I could have worshiped Him anyway, I realized. My soul quieted, sobered by a hint of loss. Instead of snatching up my coat and striding out in protest, I could have stayed. I could have sung the next song, or prayed through it. How did words from the platform become more compelling to me than communion with God?


Today, Easter Sunday, I attend an Anglican Church. After last night's turmoil, I welcome the safety of the traditional service. A certain spaciousness marks the worship. There is time for every verse of each hymn, generations-long time stretching through hundreds of years as we read prayers spoken by brothers and sisters before us. The stamp of any one individual fades here, caught up in a long and inflexible liturgy, and I feel that no one will begin digging at my hypersensitive soul in an effort to help me worship better. But I can still find aggravations enough. Exactly what is the point of speaking everything in early modern English? The common tongue of Shakespeare's day may be beautiful, but its less-accessible sense and archaic sound surely outweigh that good. And then there is the mechanical and mental challenge of juggling two books and a sizable bulletin while referring to an insert designed to guide me through the three.

Finally we reach the Lord's Supper. We move again through rhythms of confession, repentance, forgiveness, grace. The old words reach my soul--truths beyond emotion, and yet profoundly touching the core of my humanity.

We do earnestly repent, And are heartily sorry for these our misdoings: The remembrance of them is grievous unto us; The burden of them is intolerable. Have mercy upon us, Have mercy upon us, most merciful Father; for Thy Son our Lord Jesus Christ's sake, forgive us all that is past; And grant that we may ever hereafter serve and please Thee in newness of life, to the honour and glory of Thy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.