Beauty Today

Here we sit, a few women settled in child-sized chairs, the short table hitting our knees, the walls around us graced by bits of infant creativity. My boss begins the meeting by reading Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." She reminds us to always move toward the true and the beautiful on behalf of our students, but to not be discouraged when their embrace of that goodness is fractured or long in coming. As she ends the devotion with prayer, tears well behind the safety of my closed eyelids. I feel so shamefully inadequate. In the work setting, admitting my sense of incompetence seems unthinkable--yet I am learning to acknowledge my deeper pains to God and am grateful for the new tenderness which allows me to release a piece of the sorrow now, rather than crush it down inside myself. By the time the prayer ends, I've brushed the wetness away from my lashes. We do have beautiful moments in the work day that follows the meeting: a sense of harmony, a coupling of correction and affirmation, a clean hallway (for once!), opportunities to look into individuals' eyes and listen. Leaving work, I am surprised darkness has yet to fall. It seems that suddenly the light is staying longer.